Before I start this I want to say that if you’ve ever went through a miscarriage, still birth, or Molar Pregnancies my heart goes out to you. I never in a million years would have thought I’d be going through this.. I also want to put that this post might be a trigger warning for anyone who has went through any kind of pregnancy loss..
So here is my story that I have felt like I needed to write. We found out we were expecting another baby at the end of September. We were so happy, Lexi was going to be a big sister and I just couldn’t wait for June 2018 to come.. We head into the end of October and I started spotting.. My first trimester OB appointment was 4 days after I started spotting. I thought for sure I was miscarrying! Bleeding stopped and I didn’t think any more about it. Went in for my first trimester ultrasound and I just had this overwhelming feeling that something wasn’t right the day before. I just couldn’t shake the feeling. Go in for the ultrasound and as soon as the tech turned the screen on I knew in my heart that I was indeed right, something wasn’t right.. The tech looked at me and said “I am so sorry but you don’t have a viable pregnancy”. You have a very rare pregnancy, a molar pregnancy.. Now I had never heard of a molar pregnancy before and I didn’t know what it meant! After she took all the pictures that she needed for my OB, I then went to see my OB and talk with her about what all had to take place..
When my OB came into the room she confirmed what her suspicion was (She couldn’t fully diagnosed me with a molar pregnancy until the pathology team confirmed it) and said that I needed a D&C as soon as possible and would call me back that day with my surgery date. Now mind you I have NEVER had any kind of surgery before.. So finding out that I had a molar pregnancy and finding out that I also needed surgery was A LOT for me to process.. Not to mention I would have to relay all this information back to my husband who was suppose to start working nights that exact same night and couldn’t go with me to this appointment.. I held it together until I got home. As soon as I got home and looked at my husband I just couldn’t hold it together.. I cried and cried while he held me! Knowing that I had my husband holding me and letting me cry was so what I needed.. So my Ob appointment was on a wednesday, my surgery was that Friday.. Going in for the surgery I didn’t really know what to expect. I mean I had talked with some friends who have had one done, But honestly it doesn’t prepare you for what it actually is! The surgery was a total of 20 minutes and we had to stay in the recovery area for one hour afterwards. Which was so simple for me since I wasn’t in any pain. That weekend I experienced all the pain from the surgery and the pain of going through the loss.. I have never cried so much in my life, and I just can’t imagine how I would have been able to do this without my husband. He is my rock! Having Lexi to take my mind off the hurt has been so good for me too! Fast forward to my first blood draw since the surgery. We found out my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels were 247,000 before surgery. It is extremely high but also normal when dealing with a molar pregnancy. So it was back to weekly blood draws until the HCG levels go to zero.. I will say the weekly blood draws have been Hell on me.. Physically and emotionally.. Every week after having it done, I have felt like shit! Every week my arm bruises up and looks like shit! Today was my last day for weekly blood draws and I am so happy! These last two months have been such hell.. I am forever thankful for my amazing OB team for going through this with me. I still have six months of blood work that we have to continue on. We are not even close to being done. Now it’s just maintaining the levels and making sure they stay down. I have no doubt that they won’t stay low since we can’t try for another baby right now and I am also on a birth control pill to keep me from getting pregnant while we are going through this process.. If you don’t know what a molar pregnancy is, It’s where you have all the pregnancy cells but a non fertilized egg.. Most times it is because the female body releases a egg that doesn’t have any fertilizing capabilities.. And when a sperm and the egg comes together the sperm takes over and then tissue forms and a abnormal placenta forms.. You also gain alot of weight with it as well.. And even though I was only 9 weeks when we found out, I looked like I was 15 weeks pregnant.. I wanted to share my story for anyone who has went through this, or who is going through it right now.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! I have cried so much through this process.. Knowing that when June comes I will again be sad knowing that we won’t have the baby we were so excited for.. Knowing that there was no baby at any point is a blessing. But also I feel like sad that I am mourning a pregnancy loss and not a loss of a baby.. I know this all sounds weird to say.. Has anyone been through this before? If so, How are you coping with it? Or how did you cope with it? Thank you for reading this and for letting me share my story!! This is my first time sharing this other than the few people we told already.. But I feel now is the right time to share about it!